Are you ready for The Full Monty?
by Wendy Williams Zaske

So you're no longer nervous on stage. You've built up your repertoire, performed in countless venues, entered contests, maybe even done a showcase or two. Lately, you've been seen in the same old haunts, nursing martinis and crooning "Is That All There Is?" You probably think you've run the gamut as far as karaoke is concerned.

Well, you haven't. Not 'til you've done it in the nude.

Yep, you read it right. You. Singing. On stage, nekked as a jaybird. Believe it or not, the opportunity exists, all across the country ­ and it's perfectly legal! Contrary to what you might expect, the surrounding atmosphere is actually quite wholesome and non-threatening and the challenge, should you choose to accept it, will forever change your perspective on a number of things.

Several years ago, while browsing the "Great Escapes" section of the Reader, my husband and I noticed an ad for Swallows, a clothing-optional resort 20 miles east of San Diego in El Cajon. Chuckling over the fact that nude karaoke was listed among its attractions, we pictured how ludicrous we'd look singing starkers. Either they're all models, we thought, or characters among which we'd stand out like Brad and Janet in the Time Warp. But when curiosity got the better of us and we actually checked it out, we found that our expectations couldn't have been further from the truth.

A little Internet research led us to DeAnza Springs, 70 miles east of San Diego in Jacumba. After interviewing us, a kindly matron in a loosely crocheted vest walked us around the property, where contented folks of all ages, shapes and sizes lounged, dined, shopped, and participated in various sporting activities ­ all "au naturel." After the initial shock of disrobing in the parking lot, it took all of five minutes to adjust to this alternate reality. To our surprise, nobody gawked, laughed, or treated us with anything but the utmost friendliness and respect ­ and we felt strangely free. This is a whole new world, we thought. Why hadn't we done this before?

With this experience under our figurative belts, we checked out Glen Eden, 80 miles north of San Diego in Corona. Again, we encountered only polite, non-judgmental, well-adjusted folks of all ages, sizes and physical conditions, all with that oddly contented aura about them. No embarrassment, no shame ­ just smiles, as if they shared a common joke on the rest of the world. At a poolside dance under the stars that night, we decided we were hooked. After checking out a couple of other local clubs, we decided to become members of Glen Eden and the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR).

And this brings us back to karaoke.

It's one thing sunning by the pool, chatting in the hot tub, walking your dog around the perimeter. Actually getting up there on stage "in the altogether" kinda takes you back to your first attempts at karaoke ­ jitters, self-consciousness, fear of being judged. But again, the discomfort is short-lived. When you look out at everyone, relaxed and proud of the skin they were born in, somehow you feel very much at home. Accustomed as they are to helping newcomers to feel comfortable, these folks are nothing but supportive and encouraging when you're actually up on stage. And everyone dances! Personally, that's my karaoke incentive. Not being the center of attention, but inspiring people to get up and boogie. Come to the Cabaret and, doggone it, be part of it!

What about the wintertime, you may wonder? Don't people get cold? As we were told by a fellow member, "we're nudists, not idiots." The general rule is "nude when possible, clothed when practical." Creative accessorizing is quite popular at evening events, and you'll discover countless new ways to wrap sarongs or pareos (etiquette requires patrons to bring a towel or cloth on which to sit).

It doesn't take long to realize that here, nudity does not equal sex. Leering and lewdness are absent, too ­ a refreshing change from so-called "normal" society. No longer able to hide behind fashion, nudists learn to accept themselves, and others, as they were created. At first this is humbling; then it becomes empowering. And after a few of these halcyon days, most of us find it a bit of a disappointment to have to return to textile society!

Nude karaoke is certainly not for everyone. Many folks consider their fashion statements integral to their personality; others prefer to keep certain things mysterious and under wraps. Our friends and relatives back in the arctic Midwest think we've totally lost our minds. But as far as we're concerned, the experience of finally walking tall and proud in our own skin, commanding unconditional approval and respect from both genders, is absolutely beyond compare! Issues of shame, inferiority, and victimization are deep-seated in our American psyches, particularly those of females. It occurs to me that a strong antidote for such maladies ­ as well as many others in the world ­ may lie in overcoming societally imposed guilt about the bodies that are, literally, our birthright.

If you'd like to take the plunge, check out the following websites:

DeAnza Springs Resort (Jacumba, CA) http://www.deanzasprings.com/
Glen Eden Sun Club (Corona, CA) http://www.gleneden.com/
Swallows Sun Island (El Cajon, CA) http://www.swallowssunisland.com/

and tell 'em Tony and Wendy sent you!

Be aware that while couples and families are especially welcome, singles (especially males) must undergo a bit more scrutiny. But this upholds the propriety of the organization. For further information about the philosophy, and history of naturism, please refer to the AANR website at http://www.aanr.com/.