Karaoke Definitions:

ROTATION: The order in which customers of karaoke establishments will sing, usually determined by the order in which customers make requests to sing and altered by additions of customers arriving later at the establishment than others. If used correctly and ethically, time on stage will be allocated fairly to all people who wish to sing.

SUICIDE: When a singer performs a song he or she has never performed before.

HOMICIDE: When a singer performs a song he or she has never performed before (see suicide), and knows from the very start that the performance will be quite bad.

VIRGIN: A person performing on a karaoke stage for the first time ever in his or her life.

FAKE VIRGIN: A person performing on a karaoke stage for the first time in his or her life, but has sung in front of audiences before (i.e., was in a band, in choir, in opera, etc.)

BATHROOM BREAK (also known as "SMOKE BREAK"): A song, whenever performed, no matter how well performed, induces a customer or customers to head to the bathroom, outside, or anywhere else from the karaoke singing space.

LIQUID COURAGE: Any alcoholic beverage that facilitates a singer coming up on stage.

MILLI VANILLI: A singer that goes up with another person, then won't take the microphone, and just stands there and mouths the words the whole time.

PROJECTION IMPAIRED: When a singer sings so quietly that a KJ has to turn the mic up to the point of feedback.

KARAOKE ALZHEIMER'S: A singer turns in a song, then 5 minutes later has to come up and ask the host what they put in.

GHOST SINGER: A person who puts in a song, promptly disappears until after they are called, then mysteriously re-appears.

DEDICATION: Any ballad sung in the hopes of gaining female companionship for the evening.

KARAOKEPHOBIA: When someone is so scared of karaoke, that they push the book away from them as if it were an odious thing that will metaphysically transport them on stage if they open it.

KARAOKE TERRORISM: Drafting another person to sing without their knowledge.

DRAFT CARD: A request slip with someone's name on it who has not volunteered to sing.

AUDIOPHOOL: Someone who knows nothing about audio, but always tries to tell the KJ how to run the sound..."hey, can I get some reverb, maaaaan?"

CAVE DWELLER: Someone who wraps their hand around the mic, thinking it looks cool, completely unaware that it makes their voice sound like they're singing "Aqualung."