A BAZAAR OF BIZARRE KARAOKE

By Bud Young

We are now into the third year of the genesis of a new millennium, and it behooves us, the remnants of the 20th century, to not only reflect on some of the most memorable accomplishments performed by the citizenry of Karaoke, but to acknowledge the irreplaceable musical void which they have created.

The thousands of national contests and the tens of thousands of regional qualifications for these finals yielded mind-boggling musical treasures.

It is, therefore, only fitting that the SD SCENE assume the role of Presenter in making the ENNUI AWARDS in the myriad of categories comprising this extravaganza.

Recipients of these honors exhibited an extraordinary and innate quality by Karaoke aficionados as possessed by entertainers who not only deserve, but also demand the respect of their innate peers.

Thus, it is with a deep sense of obligatory indifference that SD SCENE now names the honorees and the categories in which they exceeded.

For having the greatest of intestinal fortitude in performing an Elvis Presley medley of 206 songs, with a voice that can only be described as "Early Tiny Tim", This ENNUI AWARD, which consists of a pair of bronzed swollen tonsils, mounted on a fractured larynx, goes to a crowd-pleaser extraordinaire, Mr. Ukulele Thyroid!

Next, the entire "K" kommunity would be re-miss were it not to recognize the following honoree. For having exhibiting the ultimate in bravery and perseverance after having lost a qualifying round, and, after the judges had announced the overall winner while this singer was still telling the KJ the key to her song, we are medically moved, as this ENNUI AWARD is the very same chrome plated stomach pump that removed the deadly potion this contestant swallowed right after she heard that the winning name was not hers. Supplementing this award is a full year supply of Drain-O throat spray. Unfortunately, she cannot be here to accept her prize as we were told that when she was told of this honor, she got all choked up --- again. So now let's hear it for Ms. "Deep-throat" Clinton!

In the category of innovative inanity, our next winner proved to the entire "K" world that although Fame can be fleeting, it can be extremely fast as well. Who else could have carried out a one-man, on-stage musical seance where he sang a duet in the genre of "RAP" and "TAP". Positive genius!! While holding his own hand, he evoked the spirit of Marty Robbins to complete this duo as they rode along the memory trail of El Paso. This ENNUI AWARD is a crocheted CD woven into the shape of a cow patty, and mounted on a miniature headstone inscribed with those immortal words --"Where's Freddie Fender when you need him??" Lets have a nice round of "OLES" for this man, ------ Mr.Spookie Wookie.

In this next category, I feel personal bond with the winner. She and I met at the Spaghetti Station in Anaheim. She was having dinner at the next table and I was having a Brandy Alexander made with Neapolitan yogurt. Suddenly, something flew through the air and landed in my drink--- it was a meat ball from her plate. From that moment on there were to be changes in both our lives-- mine was changing to a long-necked bottle of beer where no meat ball could enter, and hers when her name was called to perform. She took the microphone and belted out the title song from the Spaghetti Western, "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly". She lost First Place for The Good, but won plaudits for The Bad and The Ugly----- Two out of three ain't bad--- or ugly! Tonight, her ENNUI AWARD is a knife and fork imbedded in a Neapolitan yogurt meringue' smothered with spaghetti sauce. This award has been named the "KUTIE KUTLERY KLUTZ" and will be permanently enshrined in the women's restroom---- and will only surface as a table decoration during TOILET BOWL XXXVIII. Congratulations, Miss Fancy Napkin.

Bud