INSIDE SCENE
“Has Anybody Seen My Girl” Margaret Williams pg. 3
Karaoke Tool Box pg. 6
Confessions of a Karaoke Queen pg. 6
An open letter to my daughter on the birth of her first child pg. 7
Did you make it through the Holidaze? pg. 8
Scene Calendar pg. 10 & 11 Twelve steps to becoming a Lounge Singer pg. 14
Learning to lose your pride, sing karaoke! pg. 14
SDS Photo Night pg. 16 & 17
Pop Quiz answers pg. 17
A modest proposal for the licensing of Karaoke pg. 18
The Cult of Karaoke pg. 18
Karaoke ban irks singers pg. 19
Warner Bros. Publications Enters Karaoke pg. 20
Karaoke around the world pg. 21
Karaoke around the USA pg. 22
Punk Rock/Heavy Metal Karaoke pg. 22
"Has Anybody Seen My Gal" – Margaret Williams?
Five feet 2, eyes of blue, you know the tune.
Well yes, you might have seen me (and my late husband, Cliff) singing Karaoke for the very first time 17 years ago at Medina Ballroom in Minnesota. Then on to bigger and better lounges at Hotel Del Coronado (with Toby Russell), Sheraton Skies Lounge and Fireside (with Johnny Stewart), Quail’s Inn (with Pete Pattynama), Lawrence Welk Lounge (with Rocky Baldino), Tahoe, and Los Angeles. Later (after Cliff’s death), there was Hidden Meadows Country Club, San Luis Rey Downs, Escondido Country Club (with Holly Dimas), Comstock (with Nicole Farrell and Jorge), Glen Eden (with Rod Marshall), Serby’s (with Alyssa and Mike), Viejas and San Giorgio’s (with Johnny Stewart), with Showcases and contests along the way.
Born and reared in MinneSNOWta eons ago, and before and after discarding my toys, I was privileged to have piano, accordion, voice, elocution (drama), and dancing lessons in my tender years. When I was asked to entertain at Lodge meetings and summer picnics (mostly Scandinavian, of course), I was paid the whopping going rate of $3.00, plus treats, for singing and playing accordion, dancing, or reciting a comical reading.
The pre-teen years found me narrating at many church holiday services. My late teen scene was as a semi-pro in a large downtown Minneapolis church choir. "All play and no work" could make Margaret a dull girl, so I joined the Advertising Dept. for 12 years at General Mills, Inc. While modeling for GMI at Lake Calhoun, I met and married Cliff, my husband for 49 years.
Years later, when our daughter, Wendy, was born, we found she inherited her dad’s and my musical talents, and love of music and reading. She sang in the church youth choir, won piano scholarships, University of Minnesota awards, and was a featured soloist in High School and University piano concerts. I’m envious of her vocal range from alto to "C above high C." She is also a favorite at Karaoke lounges.
When Wendy wasn’t practicing piano, she and her dad would be biking or hiking the mountains in Colorado. My athletic prowess consisted of Cliff and I walking through the golf course 5 miles from our suburban home to our respective downtown Minneapolis offices. In San Diego, although it was sometimes difficult for me, we hiked Cuyamaca Mountain and occasionally Fritzy (our poodle) and I would join Cliff in his favorite hike to the vistas at Mt. Woodson to experience the euphoria that can only come from the purple mountain’s majesties.
Therefore, not being much of an athlete myself, Wendy would join me in serious sun bathing in the Bahamas or Maui, while Dad was exploring new heights on those fun family vacations. When Wendy and Tony were married back in Minneapolis, she insisted that one of her dad’s compositions be played at their wedding.
Being the workaholic that I am, I worked as Exec. Sec’y-Office Manager, then advanced to Foundation Fund Raiser for the largest Methodist Church in Minneapolis for 22 years. Then it was time for Cliff and me to move to San Diego. As Wendy said, "usually the kids leave home, not the parents!"
Fortunately, I enjoyed interesting work at United Way, SDSU, the San Diego Foundation and San Diego League, then as assistant to the President of Ahlstrom Capital (an international Finnish Corporation). In semi-retirement, an all-encompasing position with Acupuncture Group Practice in Rancho Bernardo keeps me from getting into too much trouble.
In my limited spare time, I act as secretary to a private club and write for San Diego Scene magazine. I try to be out singing at my favorite Karaoke lounges at least once a week. My poodle, Fritzy, lies on his back when I’m vocalizing, but Wendy and Tony’s dogs get up from their nap and sit out in the patio! What’s wrong with this picture? Could it be that Malomars and Lulu prefer Wendy’s singing to mine?
In my article from the Dec-Jan. 1996 San Diego Scene, I wrote: "Although our generation may have some difficulty understanding and identifying with the lyrics and sounds popular today, mutual acceptance and growth occurs when we share the diversity of songs in an atmosphere of fun and good times. And that’s important – for music has no age barriers – music is a universal language; it binds gender and generation – music, like love, makes the world go ‘round!"
I could close this meager offering with another song title: "For the Good Times" the tune with sounds of melancholy and sadness, but hey, there are those happy tunes like "Cabaret," "Music, Music, Music," "Climb Every Mountain," and "Love Changes Everything," a few of my Karaoke favorites! Thanks for listening.
Karaoke Tool Box
By Ken Wilson
San Diego Karaoke & DJ
Karaoke Websites
More and more people go online for their information. As much as we all look forward to each edition of this magazine, many of us still need that information ‘fix’ via the superhighway between editions. There are karaoke fan sites, singer sites, vendor sites and karaoke hater sites. How to sites, forums and classifieds for karaoke equipment. Thousands of karaoke sites just waiting for you to visit.
You may decide one day to put up your own site. Maybe put up a few of your karaoke songs that you have recorded so everyone in the world can enjoy your special version of ‘Love Shack’. Maybe you are a KJ and want to let everyone know about your business and your gigs. Either way, a website is the best medium to get the word out.
Disclaimer
Warning! Neither this publication nor this author endorses copyright or trademark infringement. We do not offer legal advice. Opinions expressed are my own, and offered for informational purposes only.
Get Your Free Website
Many ISP’s (internet service providers) give you a free website when you sign up for service, especially the cable and DSL internet providers. If you have cable or DSL, chances are you also have a blank website just waiting for your talented hand. Go to your ISP’s website and look for information about activating your personal web space.
Many of them will actually offer tools to help you build your website from scratch. No special computer skills are required. You pick a template or pattern and type in the information you want displayed on the page. Some let you pick a file on your computer and upload it to your webpage. Pictures, sound files, etc. Before you know it, you’re a website designer!
If you have dialup service, you may not be so lucky, so here are a few places that will give you a website for free. They are able to do this by serving out ads on your website to cover their costs. Some are those annoying pop-up ads and some are banner type ads, and you have no control over the content, although they are generally harmless ‘all audience’ type ads.
www.yahoo.com
www.bravenet.com
www.tripod.lycos.com
www.freeservers.com
Advanced Design
If you really want to get fancy, you might consider an HTML editor. HyperText Markup Language (HTML), is what web browsers like Internet Explorer and Netscape read when they go to a website. If you look at the actual HTML language, it appears very complex but there are programs called WYSIWYG (wizzy wig – What You See Is What You Get) editors that let you edit your website visually rather than coded text. They are really fun to use.
WSYWIG
My personal favorite is Dreamweaver by Macromedia. It is available at www.macromedia.com and you can download a fully functioning demo from their website. It is virtually ‘drag and drop’ meaning you can drag pictures into a blank page and then place them where you want. You can type in your text just like you were writing a letter. It also has many advanced features for adding flash buttons or animation, creating drop down menus and adding sound files.
Netscape has an excellent WYSIWYG editor available but you need to download the full browser installation package from www.netscape.com.
Microsoft has a fully featured editor called FrontPage. It is usually included as part of the Microsoft Office Program suite but can be purchased separately or you may download the trial from office.microsoft.com. It is a little more difficult to use in my experience but it has some excellent features.
Whatever your choice, get a presence on the internet. Share your victories with the world. It’s a great hobby and you can make friends around the world. You might even put up a discussion forum or guestbook so visitors can leave messages for all to see.
We live in a truly global community. Be a part of it. Get involved. Make friends all across the world. You’ll be glad you did.
In the next edition we’ll talk about how to add those forums or bulletin boards, and getting your website noticed by the search engines.
Until then can always e-mail me at ken@sandiegokaraoke.com
See ya then!
Ken Wilson
San Diego Karaoke & DJ
www.sandiegokaraoke.com
CONFESSIONS OF A KARAOKE QUEEN
By Lara Ewen
I'm not looking to get discovered for my stirring rendition of The Devil Went Down to Georgia. I know there are no talent scouts in the audience waiting to sign me up. I'm also aware that I am no great talent, though sometimes I can really get into it and belt one out. I just love karaoke.
There's a dive on Manhattan's Upper East Side that hosts karaoke nights Sunday and Tuesday. I'm a regular and the host knows me and the songs I like to sing to warm up--the songs I'm comfortable singing before I get smashed. My current favorite is the Black Crows'She Talks to Angels. But after I've had a few, I'll sign up for anything from Bon Jovi to Sinatra. Everyone in the joint has their old standbys: There's the guy who always does Suspicious Minds, and one of the bartenders likes to sing Arthur's Theme.
Most of the people who show up are just curious, and they spend a lot of time giggling or gaping. You can usually tell who's gonna have the balls to sing and who's just gonna watch. But it's the 75-year-old lady who sings Madonna, or the straight-laced college boy with a penchant for Rick James who are a total surprise and just make my night. Sure, there's also the really talented people who sound so good you're sure they're professionals, but the people I have the most respect for are the normal folks who throw caution and good judgment to the wind and just sing like no one's listening.
I've been doing this karaoke thing for almost ten years now. Back then the host was a really smarmy guy, who must have been a retired wedding singer. And the song list was limited--mostly country ballads and oldies. Since then, I've found karaoke bars in just about every city, from London to Los Angeles. And today, there are so many karaoke fanatics that you can sing just about any song you want. You can even karaoke in your living room using your computer and a few MIDI files (http://www.karaoke.com). But really, there's nothing I like better than putting on my favorite cheesy rocker clothes and doing it in public. And if I suck, so what? It's just my friends and a whole bunch of strangers. Besides, I happen to know that guys dig chicks on a stage, no matter how badly they sing.
Which brings me to my final point. Going to a bar is just going to a bar. You talk, you drink, you go home. Maybe you meet someone hot and you don't go home alone. But there's always the risk that the sex might be bad. And then what've you got to show for your evening? Karaoke changes everything. You go to a bar, gawk at the performers, talk, dance, and then you get to be a rock star for three minutes. And in the end, nothing heals bad sex better than a hot helping of karaoke fever. Because when it comes to karaoke, sometimes when it's bad, it's better.
An open letter to my daughter on the birth of her first child
By Sandra Miller-Long
To my darling Katie,
As with family tradition, it is our custom for your friends and family get to give you one piece of advise on the birth of your first child. After much consideration and contemplation I find, however, that I cannot contain myself to just one small word of wisdom, and so, instead, I’m offering you ten well learned lessons to hopefully guide along on your journey as a new mom.
I pray that I do not offend any foul spirits with my braggadocio but upon some reflection I now realize all you kids were almost never sick … no flu bugs, few colds. Oh, sure the occasional ear infections but nothing serious--for most of your childhoods.
Now I know that modern science, a healthy gene pool, and the angels above might have had something to do with such good fortune; but since I don’t know for sure, I thought I would pass on to you some of the practices that might possibly have been a contributing factor. The following sage advice I've gleaned from modern medical journals, watching Good Morning America, and some stuff I just made up.
1. Don't clean your house incessantly--All those nice house germs and dust mite poop give your child a chance to build up more anti-bodies to better fight off nasty bacteria and viruses. You can't preempt allergies, so give your kid's immune system a chance to learn the ropes, because all those new fangled anti-bacterial products make you weaker, not stronger.
2. Don't potty train until absolutely necessary--because as soon as you do, you'll start watching fluids, and kids NEED lots of fluids. Which leads me to...
3. Keep her on the breast or bottle, for as long as you can. There’s lots of vitamins there that don't come in a pill, and you're guaranteed she's getting surplus nutrients. Don't listen to your dentist or your pediatrician about this one. The kid's not going to go off to college drinking a bottle (OK, but not that kind of a bottle) and the baby teeth just fall out anyway.
4. Allow free grazing of the refrigerator. You'd be surprised at what kids will want to eat when they can pick it out themselves. Maybe they're craving whole proteins that you wouldn't have otherwise provided. Don't force the oatmeal if the kid's craving hot dogs.
5. Nurse for longer than you are comfortable telling others.
6. Sleep with your child--That's right, just toss the crib-from-birth notion and drop it in the bad idea catalogue with whale bone girdles and leaded gasoline. There's lots of evidence that physical contact--the snugly old mushy mom and pop kind--has more to do with good health and mental well being than almost any other contributing factor in the early years. Human growth hormone is actually secreted when children are bonded with their parents, and what better way to squirt out some extra hormones than by sleeping with your baby?
7. Leave her barefoot--Yeah, I've heard about the worms that live in the soil too, but please, shoes are put on little kids 95% of the time just for aesthetic value. When it's cold and snowing, sure, but summer time
in the back yard? And NEVER in the house. Kids have a right to be unfettered whenever possible, and tough feet make tough little kids. (OK I made that one up, but who knows?)
8. Buy the cheap plastic toys, in fact, buy a lot of them--So settle for generic cereal and house brand toilet paper and give in to the demand for the rubber squeaky frog. There's lots to be said about creativity and manipulation of common mediums, but there's more to be said about a new toy. The brain is stimulated in little ones, and big ones for that matter, by novelty and newness. Baby brains physically crave new stimulus, and a new stimulus is a new toy. Kids don't want new toys because they're spoiled; they need them to learn to think! If a kid plays with a new toy and is bored with it an hour later, that's a GOOD sign. How many times do you want to do over the same crossword puzzle?
9. Forget the Band-Aids (TM) and make'm come to you when they fall--Because by the time they whimper their way over to you, most of the pain will be gone anyway. Then when you do kiss the boo-boo, they really will feel better. Kids MUST fall down when they're little, they need to learn how to take a fall now when they're bones won't break. But don't hover over the little creature. It doesn't make you look like a concerned parent, it makes the child look like a wimp, and more importantly, she’ll need to be able to handle pain without undo effort. Why? Because pain leads to stress, and the bigger the issue about pain, the more stressed out your child will become because of it. It's: fall down, scrape knee, get kiss, go play, release stress. It is not: Fall down, mom scream, drag child home to disinfect, create menace to society. And as to Band-Aids (TM), well, a kid isn't a kid if they can't pick a scab or two, and I have never ever ever seen an infection--a real infection and not just a little pus--from a knee scrape or a finger cut.
10. And last but not least, and this is nothing new, trust your instincts. I've seen theories come and go about what parents OUGHT to do for the last 25 years, and it all keeps changing. You do what you want to do, and you'll do just fine. Oh yes, and use sunscreen.
Love you,
Grammy
Did you make it through the Holidaze?
Mårgaret Williams
…cuz there’s a lot more to the
festive season than snow and unseasonably cold weather! (This coming from a native Minnesotan.) Many of us can travel about an hour to romp in the snow, or ski, or enjoy the snow-capped mountains from our front yards.
Immediately after Halloween we hear the sounds of the holidays, check out the myriads of useful and not so useful gifts threatening our credit cards. We schedule the holiday parties in our day planner, attend the committee meetings and rehearsals, etc. etc.
But let’s backtrack a bit in time. Just about 3 months ago our neighbors in San Bernardino, Riverside, and San Diego counties experienced endless weeks of the most traumatic times in their lives. We shared with them the heart-rending loss of material possessions, but more importantly, the loss of human and animal lives. Here again, Karaoke lounges and clubs rose to the occasion by collecting contributions for those in immediate need.
One such was Glen Eden Sun Club in Riverside County, where over $4,500 and vanloads of clothing and useful items were donated to the residents of demolished Swallows Club in San Diego County. Joyce, Theresa and Bernie (all Karaoke singers) were the early "Santas." They also brought Holiday cheer to the Corona-Norco Settlement House.
Glen Eden KJ Rod Marshall (a.k.a. Willie Nelson), along with Jamie Heth and Kevin O’Brien, raised over $1,000. A portion of this money was contributed at the benefit show they performed for Swallows at DeAnza Springs Resort over the Thanksgiving weekend.
Singers from the Lawrence Welk Lounge in Escondido presented their annual Christmas benefit for the Escondido Care Center. The afternoon of music, singing and cheer began with a surprise visit by the Mayor of Escondido, the Honorable Lori Holt Pfeiler. The Mayor started the festivities dancing and singing along with the Wise Guy Karaoke Singers. Mayor Pfeiler then honored Mrs. Thelma Collins who is now proudly celebrating 45 years as a U.S. citizen. Thelma began singing locally in 1987 and along with her talented friends, shares her time entertaining the residents of this vital care facility.
Santa Claus arrived at 3:00 p.m. through the generosity of Escondido’s own Elite Costume House. Santa presented gifts donated by the Karaoke singers and brought huge smiles from the residents. The aroma of baked goods (prepared by Anita Gunton and several others), and the sound of music filled the air. Once again, Savon Drugs on El Norte Parkway sent gifts for all the residents at the party. For the second year, Bertrand’s Music of Rancho Penasquitos, donated Karaoke equipment to the Escondido Care Center. Other kindness came from Videotown, Rock n’ Jenny’s Italian Subs, both of Escondido, and Prime Time Vacations of Solana Beach.
And here we are at Valentine’s Day, so I close my humble chapter and verse with one of my favorite songs from Aspects of Love, titled "Love Changes Everything." Try it, you might like it!
I always appreciate receiving your thoughts and ideas. "You can reach me by --- E-mail" at mwfritzy@san.rr.com.
Twelve Steps to Becoming a Lounge Singer
Omar Lutfey
A few weeks ago I finished a story about my goal in life of becoming a lounge singer. I sat down, progressed through the normal process of putting my thoughts into words, and finally published the story on the web site. I was proud of myself for creating a witty and insightful glimpse into the inner workings of my mind. The misspelled words were few, the grammatical errors were minor, and I even managed to make the idea of gratuitously beating up a helpless old Dutch man seem funny.
Fortunately, something happened to me at a local drinking establishment on Thursday night that made me understand the story wasn’t finished. Of course it was finished in the sense that I emailed the story out to everyone with no way of getting it back. But in another sense it has just begun. My eyes opened up to the bigger picture.
I feel my situation is quite similar to the artist who painted "A Friend in Need" (often times referred to as "Dogs Playing Poker"). While I could dedicate an entire story to the social ramifications of this piece of art (NOTE TO SELF: write an entire story about Dogs Playing Poker sometime in the future) , I would like to focus on the fact the painting contains not just six dogs sitting at a table playing poker, but also a painting in the background. I can just imagine C. M. Cooledge when he realized the need for this additional image in order to complete his masterpiece. His vision was complete.
This phenomenon is not uncommon even in our high tech society. Often times I find myself sitting on my couch perfectly content watching, say, live stadium motocross when I suddenly become aware of a world existing beyond the boundaries of large piles of dirt, motorcycles, and even ESPN. What I like to call the "bigger picture" is ever changing, but often times gives me a glimpse into the sights and sounds of an entirely different aspect of the world around me-- often times in the form of a game brought to me courtesy of the National Football League. An extensive analysis of the television manual led me to the more common term of "picture in a picture".
So what does this have to do with being a lounge singer? Well, the other night I made the transition from singing in the shower all by myself to singing in front of a bar full of people with the aid of a microphone and Karaoke equipment. For the first time in my life, I actually got up the nerve to get up on stage and let everyone hear my wonderful singing voice. My point here is that singing Karaoke is the motocross on the television screen of my life.
I don’t think I can give a very objective measure of my performance. I spent half the time on stage trying to come to grips with the fact that I was hearing my own voice a half a second later and I lot louder then I normally would when singing in the shower. Once I got used to those differences, I was able to do a half way decent job. I also like to give myself credit for not locking up my knees and remembering to breathe in and out on a regular basis. I have to say that despite the initial worries I had before going up on stage, I really enjoyed the experience. For the record, I sang "Take it to the Limit" by the Eagles.
I know that I am still a long way from my ultimate goal of becoming a lounge singer. My inexperience with musical instruments and the fact that I don’t know of any drinking establishments that use lounge singers are both issues that I will have to address somewhere down the road. I have to play it by ear so to speak because I drove over to the local book store and was unable to find "Lounge Singing for Dummies". But the fact that I am actively working toward one of my goals is a positive step.
I don’t know how long its going to take for me to become a lounge singer. There is not a formula I can employ that calculates exactly how many steps are involved in this process. As far as I can tell, it is one of those metaphysical questions similar to "how many roads must a boy walk down before he becomes a man?", "if a tree falls on a lumberjack in the forest, does anyone enjoy the irony?", or "is Richard Simmons a robot?"
More to come on this topic in the future, if all goes well.
LEARNING TO LOSE YOUR PRIDE,
sing karaoke!
Since I'm single; I've always enjoyed going out for a drink, a little music, conversation, and most importantly...company. A couple of friends introduced me to karaoke one evening. We didn't go to sing, but to listen. We didn't have the guts or inclination to sing then.
After going to karaoke restaurants for about six months and just listening; one night I helped a friend celebrate his birthday. Very drunk, he got up on the stage and attempted to sing. Big mistake. He was so horrible that I found myself thinking, "I think I can sing better than that and I haven't sung for about 25 years and that was just a christmas carol." After singing and sitting down my friend pointed at me and said, "Your turn". Pride and alcohol let me take my foot out of my mouth. I really had to search to find a song that I thought I knew the tune well enough to sing. I knew the lyrics would be on the screen, so I wasn't too worried about them. "Family Tradition" was submitted and the worries began cropping, no BURSTING into my brain. I was honestly scared. I've always been a timid soul. When my turn came to sing, I almost walked out the door instead of to the stage. I did end up singing better than my buddy had, but I'm certainly not proud of that. I almost couldn't stand to listen to myself...but it was fun!
On the principle of "When you fall off a horse, get right back on it"; I tried singing a few days later without being quite so drunk, but still tipsy. Singing was still fun. I noticed that I was terrible, but figured that improvement would come with practice. I started singing along with the radio while driving to and from work. About the tenth time I got up to sing karaoke, I had improved to the point that I could stand to listen to myself. You couldn't call my performance good, nor even acceptable, heck, face it! I was still bad. But I was enjoying myself more all the time and I had found at least one song that I could sing. By the time six months had passed, I was pleased with what little skill I had. I still winced every time I recognized that an off key note was produced, but what really worried me now was my upcoming class reunion. Karaoke was to be part of our entertainment at the reunion.
Things got worse by the time of the reunion because I contracted a bad cold. From the way my classmates were talking at the reunion, nobody was willing to get up and sing. I decided to get the show on the road and got up to croak. I was really terrible, but everyone realized that if I could get up and sing that terrible, then they could try it and not be outclassed. One fella had stated before the singing began that he wouldn't be caught holding the microphone, NO WAY!! Well after a couple of us tried croaking, I gathered everyone together to sing a song and I shoved one mic into that fella's hand. He never let go of it for the rest of the night.
I've been singing for about seven years now and still love it. I have my own system at home for practice, but still prefer to go out and enjoy it with others. I'm only a mediocre vocalist. Trying out new songs (suicides) is my favorite thing to do. It doesn't matter if I've never heard the song before because I'm learning to sing by following the melody and harmony. That doesn't work when the song starts out acapella or has a lot of "oooh, aah, ee, etc" sounds in it that require you to listen to the song before you sing it, but it's fun and my repetoire grows really fast.
So, this short autobiography is a way of telling you to get up on the stage and try singing. Try at least a dozen times before you give up. Everyone improves with practice. Don't put off karaoke for six months like I did...and missed out on six months of fun. It's a good way to meet people, have fun, and if you eventually get good enough; then you can make money at it.
Answers to Last Issuses “Pop Quiz”
1 I don't like cricket, I love it 10 cc
2 That's all right, it's only money Abba
3 She's the hunter, you're the fox Ace of base
4 Your money or your life Adam & The Ants
5 Will we live or will we die? Adamski
6 Played it till my fingers bled Bryan Adams
7 Living it up as we're going down Aerosmith
8 Hey driver, where we going? A-ha
9 Take me somewhere I can breath All Saints
10 In the desert you can't remember
your name America
11 You paid me twenty pounds Baby Bird
12 She's got it, yeah baby she's got it Bananarama
13 Pray for the other ones Band aid
14 All the Japanese with their yen Bangles
15 The man with the Midas touch Shirley Bassey
16 How can we be lovers when
we can't be friends? Michael Bolton
17 She's giving me excitations Beach Boys
18 Keeps her face in a jar by the door Beatles
19 I love you from the bottom of
my pencil case Beautiful South
20 I've been kicked around
since I was born Bee gees
A Modest Proposal for the Licensing of Karaoke
ByTodd Allen
Ever been tortured by some alcoholic simpleton who fancied himself Frank Sinatra, but couldn’t quite live up to the musical standards of William Shatner? Karaoke may be a favored hobby, then again, it may all be a plot by the Japanese to lower our cultural development. One thing is clear, there’s a lot of fools out there who have no business singing, and my ears aren’t the only ones getting hurt. Forget liquor licenses. Forget driver’s licenses, it’s time somebody started issuing karaoke licenses… before any permanent damage is done: be it physical, mental or just plain erosion of good taste.
A simple plan would entail three factors: Qualifying Definitions; Cognitive Awareness; and Cruel and Unusual Punishment.
Qualifying Definitions
* There are certain basic concepts that should be known by an individual, before a karaoke license is granted. "Harmony" and "rhythm" are two such concepts that many current would-be singers are not yet able to identify. Additionally, it would be helpful if the alleged artists could identify a musical scale, but that might be too much to ask.
* Before licensing, the would-be singer should be able to compare and contrast singing, screaming and the sound of dying cat. By being versed in the components of different types of noise, it is hoped that karaoke performers will eliminate the third category from their repertoire.
* A simple reading test will also be required, as it has been pointed out a large number of karaoke performers are seemingly unable to read the damn TelePrompter.
Cognitive Awareness
The following acts of common sense will be considered binding, and failure to adhere to them will be grounds for suspension of license:
* The "Cher" clause: a licensed karaoke performer must be aware of his or her stylistic limitations. So if your musical range is one note, the first time you even think about covering Mariah Carey, you get off the stage and go back to bass fishing.
* If you’ve never heard a song before, don’t try and sing it. (As simple a rule as this is, it’s apparently very hard for karaoke singers to follow.)
* A karaoke performer should be able to tell the difference between their microphone and their gluteus muscles. (At 2 am, such things should not be taken for granted.)
Cruel and Unusual Punishment
* Anyone attempting to sing while blowing .15 on a blood alcohol test, will be presented with a tape of their performance and be required to listen to it the next day, while recovering from their hangover. While possibly Pavlovian in nature, it’s deemed necessary that the performer experience the same level of entertainment their audience was subjected to.
* Anyone attempting to sing jingles from commercials without musical accompaniment, will be cut off from watching the Rosie O’Donnell show for two weeks.
©1999 Todd Allen
The cult of karaoke
For devotees, singing along with the music is a way of life
BY BRYAN ROURKE
The day doesn't matter. Any one will do. This is a way of life.
Carrying music CDs and dreams of stardom, these people travel the county, night after night, a truck driver here, a store manager there. But collectively they're a community with a common quest.
It's the call of karaoke.
Wince if you will. But know this, the art form, once seemingly fueled by fermented beverages and off-key singing, flourishes.
That's right. The do-it-yourself entertainment you thought lived and died in the 1980s, lives -- still.
For its die-hard practitioners, karaoke is a cult. And it simply can't be killed.
"If one bar loses it, another one picks it up," says Heidi Cote of, who works for the state's Department of Transportation.
Karaoke, which is a merger of two Japanese words meaning empty orchestra, is offered at hundreds of places in the area, covering every night of the week. That's comforting for people like Cote.
"It's something I need to do," she says. "If I don't do it, I find I have withdrawal. It's like a drug. I'm addicted to karaoke."
ON THIS NIGHT, COTE gets her fix at a local club near her house.
Cotes sings a bluesy Jo Stafford song, "You Belong to Me." And, if you must know, she sings it very well.
The crowd applauds. Then someone else takes the stage, sings another song. And so the evening goes.
There's no down time. No one wonders when some brave soul will stand up and sing. Everyone only wonders when their turn will come.
There's a waiting list.
Everyone's here for karaoke. It's no coincidence. No one in this crowd, who see each other week after week, is surprised to see each other or karaoke equipment -- most notably a microphone. And none needs any encouragement to use it.
"Years ago, it was regular Joes on the street," says the karaoke DJ. "Now they're serious. They're almost like professionals. When this started, people had to have a drink to get up there. Now they come prepared."
JoAnn Reilly drinks water at the bar. Other beverages, she says, strain her voice. She knows from experience. Reilly has been singing karaoke for four years, three to four times a week. And when she's not out singing, she's home practicing.
Reilly's got her own karaoke machine. If you're not familiar with one, it not only plays music but projects lyrics so people can provide the vocal leads.
"This is my stardom," Reilly says.
For Jean Medeiros, this is her stress reliever.
"I pour out all my feelings into my songs," she says. "I need to go at least once a week to get it out of my system."
At this point, some might wonder what's wrong with singing in the shower, or the car. Nothing, Medeiros says, she sings there, too.
"But it's not the same," she says.
There's no applause. That, she says, means there's no "high" for her.
Count one more strung-out karaoke crooner.
THE QUALITY OF SINGING HERE is surprisingly good. It's entertainment for all, the people singing and the people listening. But for one person it represents not just entertainment, but life itself.
And for another it's income-producing work.
Mike Brilhante, who owns a car dealership, favors Roy Orbison songs. He started doing karaoke five years ago. Shortly thereafter, he got "discovered." He began receiving offers to perform for pay at benefits and special functions.
"The problem with karaoke is you get dependent on the monitor," Brilhante says. "To cross the line into professional singing, you've got to get away from the monitor."
Pete "Sonny" Proto just needed to get out of the house. The retired engineer was languishing, he says, having cared for both his parents and his late wife.
"If someone didn't get me into this, I would have died at home," Proto says.
In Proto's home, he has more than 3,000 karaoke CDs. He used to go out for karaoke seven days a week. Now, he's cut back to five.
"After the first time, I was taken," Proto says.
THE MOST COMMONLY EMBRACED HISTORY of karaoke says it came about in the 1970s in Kobe, Japan. A performer canceled a show on short notice. So the establishment's owner created music tracks that patrons could sing along to in order to entertain themselves.
But others say the seeds of karaoke started in the 1950s. Some American TV shows featured a bouncing ball over posted lyrics. As singers on the shows sang, TV viewers were encouraged to join in.
What's clear is karaoke as we know it started becoming common in this country in the early '80s. But it caught on faster in some places than others. Today karaoke It's more like a tradition, or even a religion, one that keeps growing. It's karaoke fever.
Many of the people who have caught the fever still haven't shaken it. As a result, many have become pretty good singers with all the practice. But still there's a memorable minority among them.
"There's a somebody-so-bad story everywhere you go," says Adrienne West, a karaoke DJ. "You'll notice the crowd talks a little louder. It's not good karaoke etiquette. You clap for everybody. Some will get huge applause. Others might get the pity clap."
As with any family, which is what karaoke practitioners call themselves, there can be dysfunction. But mostly there is devotion -- to each other and their art.
"Karaoke is a way of life," West says. "There is a cult following."
THERE'S A SURPRISING SYMBIOTIC relationship. There are those who make the karaoke rounds night after night, week after week. And then there are those who follow them.
Vera Parrillo is a follower. She goes to karaoke clubs four times a week. She doesn't sing. She just listens.
"They like the fact I come to listen to them," she says.
The singing is part of the appeal, Parrillo says. But the people are the main attraction. They're friendly, she says.
People at karaoke get to know each other at clubs. Some also socialize outside of them. Clearly they have something in common.
Parrillo recently had a party at her house for 150 people, mostly members of her karaoke community.
It's a diverse group. The people vary with the place and the night.
Loriann Bose works as cleaning company manager. She used to sing in a band. Then she had kids. But now they're grown. So here she is, trying to get back in a band, singing karaoke a couple times a week for the last two years.
"I use karaoke as a way to get my voice out there," she says. "This is a stepping stone."
Until the day Bose receives an invitation to join a band, she enjoys the practice and the applause karaoke provides her.
"Everybody loves me," she says. "That's the best part."
Sure enough, when Bose finishes singing, others in the room clap. She returns to her seat. And her friend David Homerston stands. It's his turn.
He sings, returns and receives the same response.
"People applaud for me, too," Homerston says. "When I stop, they're happy."
Karaoke ban irks singers; police cite link to crime
By Rachel Konrad
ASSOCIATED PRESS
SAN MATEO - Sex, drugs and karaoke are stirring up a volatile cocktail here, where police are concerned that karaoke clubs are increasingly used as fronts for prostitution, drug use, alcohol consumption among minors and gambling.
But the San Mateo City Council's decision Tuesday night to impose a temporary ban on private rooms in karaoke clubs is being criticized as culturally insensitive and maybe even discriminatory by fans of the Asian music fad.
They say the private karaoke rooms are a godsend for shy singers and are used much more often for birthday parties and private reunions than lurid affairs in the county, where one of every four residents is of Asian descent.
"Essentially what we have is a cultural clash," said Jeff Kim of San Francisco, an attorney and friend of Steven Lin, who wants to add private rooms to his karaoke club, Fusia Dining Lounge. "The council's intention is not to be discriminatory, but that's exactly the result."
San Mateo Police Chief Susan Manheimer said she is not trying to silence karaoke, which has spread throughout Asia, the United States and Europe since Japanese club owners popularized it in the 1970s.
But Manheimer said police officers in California, particularly San Francisco and Sacramento, have become increasingly wary of private singing rooms, which seat up to 20 people and sometimes have locking doors and no windows or security cameras.
Manheimer is preparing an analysis of crimes at or near local clubs with private rooms. One man in South San Francisco lost $50,000 in one night in a private room that doubled as a gambling den, police said.
In July 2002, San Bruno police officers responded to an attempted homicide in a local karaoke bar with private rooms. San Francisco police found a man shot dead outside of a club in December. At another karaoke club in July 2000, they arrested patrons on prostitution charges.
"Unfortunately our research has found quite a few illicit activities," Manheimer said.
Karaoke bars, like those portrayed in the Hollywood movie "Duets," are mainstays of nightlife districts throughout Asia. Japan has an estimated 100,000 karaoke "boxes," ranging from student hangouts to executive clubs. But as their popularity soars, the clubs also are being scrutinized by Asian authorities.
In Vietnam, police made karaoke clubs a prime target in a national campaign to reduce the number of drug addicts. In Hong Kong, officials are concerned that karaoke clubs are haunted by users of the illegal drug ketamine, or "Special K." Cambodia is so concerned with drug use and unsafe sex among karaoke singers that officials there held a workshop to discuss the spread of AIDS in karaoke venues.
In San Mateo, after residents complained about fights spilling out of a karaoke club, a land use expert was hired to draft a new entertainment ordinance. He determined that private rooms encouraged people "to behave with no moral obligation to the larger audience," and recommended a ban.
The ordinance approved by the mayor and all four council members present Tuesday gives the city 45 days to assess the alleged links between karaoke and crime before approving or rejecting Lin's application for a permit to add four private rooms to Fusia's second floor.
Lin, 31, a Taiwanese-American restaurateur, said the delay could bankrupt him, his mother and partners, who have invested about $800,000. The 5-month-old club, with neon lettering, a sleek bar and high-fidelity stereo, needs income from private lounges, which he said would have glass windows and security cameras.
"I go to Taiwan and I see these big, beautiful karaoke lounges, so I come back to my home in the United States and say, 'Hey, this is a great opportunity for me to capitalize on a new niche,'" Lin said. "But I get nothing but walls and rejections."
San Francisco resident Walter Lei, who attended the council meeting, said banning private rooms over crime fears would be like permanently closing the Golden Gate Bridge over terrorist threats.
"You can't shut down one business because other businesses have had criminal activity -- that's discrimination," said Lei, who frequents private rooms because, he says, his voice is so bad that everyone except his wife leaves the room when he sings.
Warner Bros. Publications Enters Karaoke Market With Exciting
New Products:
WBP Inks Distribution Agreement With The Singing Machine Company Publications has entered the resurgent karaoke market by signing a distribution agreement with The Singing Machine Company (AMEX:SMD) of Coconut Creek, Florida. Under the terms of this agreement, the music publisher will distribute the popular line of Singing Machine karaoke music software CD+Gs (CD+Graphics).
For Warner Bros. Publications, the agreement represents an opportunity to help its dealers reach a large and rapidly growing group of music customers. According to figures compiled by the International Music Products Association, sales of karaoke players and related equipment skyrocketed 79 percent from $111.1 million to $173.5 million in 2001, kicking off a sing-along renaissance that has been gaining momentum ever since. In 2003, InStyle Magazine, selected karaoke as one of the "What's Hot Now" trends of the year.
"The US karaoke market has grown up," said Fred S. Anton, CEO of Warner Bros. Publications. "New, more affordable hardware technology and excellently produced software by companies like The Singing Machine are helping to attract more people to karaoke all the time. The popularity of shows like `Say What Karaoke' and `Star Search' has only fueled this growth. Karaoke is no longer focused on clubs and taverns to the exclusion of other markets the way it was 10 years ago. Today your `typical' karaoke customer is as likely to be a pre-teen or grandmother as it is a person in the 20 to 40 age group."
Warner Bros. Publications and its dealers will be in an excellent position to take advantage of the explosive karaoke trend, thanks to the exciting line of software created by The Singing Machine Company.
"The Singing Machine is pleased with the opportunity to partner with Warner Bros. Publications in distributing our music," said Y.P. Chan, Interim CEO of The Singing Machine. "By leveraging on the market leadership position of The Singing Machine and the strong distribution network of Warner Bros., this partnership takes a niche category into a mainstream music business."
In addition to offering high-quality products like the Original Artist Karaoke(TM) series, which features remastered original recordings, The Singing Machine's line of software commands instant consumer attention through its licensing arrangements with leading names like Motown(R), MTV(R), Nickelodeon(R) and Hard Rock Academy(R).
"The Singing Machine karaoke software connects with consumers on many levels," said Anton. "The line has attracted leading names in music and entertainment as licensees, so it appeals to children with the Nickelodeon(R) license, teenagers with MTV(R), and adults with Motown(R)."
Indicative of the quality that characterizes The Singing Machine karaoke software is the new Motown(R) 6-Pack karaoke CD+G box set. This impressive collection of almost 50 all-time classics features lead vocals by legends like Smokey Robinson and Marvin Gaye, plus the original Motown(R) studio backing tracks. The universally known and loved songs in the set have been remastered and remixed from the original recordings specifically for The Singing Machine's Original Artist Karaoke(TM) series. A full graphic display is provided for all songs in the six-CD+G set, for use with karaoke machines. However, The Motown(R) 6-Pack works just as well with a standard home or automobile CD player, making it possible to enjoy the soul-stirring pleasure of singing along with Motown(R) classics (minus the graphics) anywhere -- in the car, at the gym, or even at the beach.
"We view this as a great opportunity for our dealers to expand their markets," said Anton. "Not everyone plays a musical instrument, but all of us are potential karaoke customers. With the new Singing Machine Karaoke software, Warner Bros. Publications will be helping more of its dealers turn this potential into real profits."
Karaoke Around the World
Karaoke going to new heights with Jamaoke
A group of Toronto musicians is taking karaoke to the next level by letting bar patrons live out their dreams of fronting a rock band - at least for five minutes at a time.
Jamaoke, the latest craze to hit local bars, gives amateur singers the chance to roar under the glare of the multicoloured spotlights and alongside professional musicians including a bassist, keyboardist and drummer.
A roofer by day, Corey Campbell likes to belt out Steppenwolf covers by night. And with the first few lines of Born to Be Wild - the all-too familiar "Get your motor runnin', Head out on the highway" - the 25-year-old proves not the most skilled singer, albeit highly enthusiastic.
"It's pretty cool," he says afterwards, his cheeks flushed. "It's way better than karaoke because the guys are right there with you."
The "guys" are the band Scavenger - a travelling crew of musicians who help guide Campbell through the song. The band is fronted by Donn Woods, formerly of Honeymoon Suite.
When Campbell loses his place midway, Woods steers him back to the chorus and the crowd hardly notices the glitch.
"It's pretty easy," says Campbell, who admits to doing a fair share of karaoke but never before with a live band. "It was fun to sing tonight."
Returning to his table - a rowdy group of construction workers who've gathered at the pub to watch a Leafs' game - he urges his friends to add their name to the waiting list.
"It's best when people bomb," Campbell says. "It's a laugh. I think they should have this at every bar."
That's precisely the goal for Woods, who trademarked the name jamaoke two years ago.
The vocalist and bassist says his ultimate dream is to host a giant jamaoke session at a sports stadium or New York's Madison Square Garden so people can have the full rock band experience. Already, one of his regular jamaoke participants has stopped showing up because she started her own band and jams at a bar north of the city.
Instead of a computer monitor with scrolling lyrics, participants get a laminated lyric sheet to follow. The band can play classic and modern rock songs by Neil Young, Tragically Hip and the Rolling Stones among others.
Alternatively, budding musicians are welcome to take control of the instruments and play along to Woods' vocals - provided they're familiar with the song.
As well, Woods has been known to tweak the sound levels to nurse rusty pipes.
"The idea is to see what it's like to sing with a band," explains Woods. "There's something for everybody. We make it comfortable for people to get up."
Participants range from downtown hipsters in trucker hats to wannabe Canadian Idol TV stars and older rock fans seeking a bit of nostalgia. Tourists looking for the next big thing from the big city centre are also fans of the performances, often videotaping their stint behind the mic.
"They have such a good time. You've made some guy's dream. A guy who works hard and every couple of weeks he gets to sing hits from when he was 20," Woods says.
Toronto jam band Animal House does a similar gig at Yonge Street's Hard Rock Cafe. On Wednesday nights throughout January, the band is hosting The Ultimate Jam. Folks get on stage to belt out their favourites like AC/DC's Back in Black, Steve Miller's Fly Like An Eagle, Whitesnake's Here I Go Again and The Beatles' I Saw Her Standing There. Singers compete for prizes including time in a recording studio.
The advantage of the live experience is that the band can keep up with the singer or player depending on the skill level.
"Say you're getting into Brown Eyed Girl or Mustang Sally ... a lot of people will jump ahead and get off. As a band we can shift with you. A machine can't do that," says Woods.
The jamaoke concept evolved over years of playing the club circuit after Honeymoon Suite disbanded, says Woods.
"To keep playing live, we started jams. Then jams led into people borrowing our lyrics and joining us on stage," said Woods, who with his long blond mane and skin-tight jeans remains true to his colourful persona in the '80s big-hair band.
"Because I've done so much people like to show up to rub elbows, to learn, to ask questions," he adds.
Fresh off the stage from singing Chain of Fools and Take The Long Road, Nova Scotia-born Bridget Taylor says she gets a high from performing on stage.
"I don't need to take drugs or alcohol, just water," said the 40-something Taylor, who now lives in Toronto. "Dancing and singing, that's my high."
Although she's a professional who sings in a motown cover band on weekends, she likes to join Scavenger on stage from time to time to encourage those shy patrons to find the courage to grab the microphone.
"I was shy at one time," she says. "This gives people confidence. The more you get up there (on stage), the better it is for you."
While Torontonians are falling for jamaoke, Germans have found a very different way to heighten the karaoke experience.
Called pornaoke, participants are paired off and have to moan and pant to the soundtrack of famous adult movies, shown to spectators using a projector. The crowd then votes for the duo with the most convincing performance.
The craze was started by two film producers in Berlin last fall. Since then, it has been successfully reproduced in several other German cities.
Norwegian Plumber Wins World Idol Title
By Pete Clark
A panel including Simon Cowell and Pete Waterman judged winners from 11 countries’ for the World Idol competition. The prize went to 25-year-old Norwegian former plumber turned singer Kurt Nilsen.
At the beginning of a fresh new year, it is essential that we should all - that is, all of us around the world who are still awake - be singing from the same song sheet.
This was the terrific idea that occurred to the people behind World Idol. When times are grim, the best solution is to have a bit of a sing-song.
The other little matter that lifts the spirits as the post-festive overdraft kicks in is the brutal old fact that some people are not very good at singing. This utterly dreary program made it seem as if producers had visited the worst karaoke bars in a distressingly wide selection of the world's cities and brought back the person who cleared the floor quickest.
When someone from Norway wins an international singing competition, then the world has clearly entered the terpsichorean doldrums. Norway is rightfully known as the "nul points" no-go zone. The reason is that no one in Norway can sing.
Proof was supplied in triplicate by a chap called Kurt Nilsen, who squirted his version of U2's Beautiful Day through the gap in his front teeth. No disrespect to Kurt, who is doubtless gainfully employed in orthodontic research, but there is absolutely no point whatsoever in giving us a cover version of a song which has been done perfectly well before.
Total disrespect does go to the judges of this nonsense who saw fit to disregard a perfectly decent version of Smells Like Teen Spirit by Belgium's Peter Everard. (Which is not to overlook the fact that Nirvana did it better than Peter and probably still could, even though one of them is dead.)
The program inadvertently threw up some interesting questions concerning the nature of fame and how it makes people desperate. The contestants were simply in it for whatever the prize was, but why did Elton John get involved as a guest performer? It was obvious he must have got an extension built to the studio by insisting on playing the biggest grand piano ever; but even though his wigged-out rendition of Are You Ready For Love put all the amateurs to shame, it still doesn't make him the world's biggest pianist.
And then there was Victoria Beckham. She really should get some counseling to persuade her to stop with the singing. Even in a show that mostly consisted of counting votes, her sub-Madonna effort was like counting sheep. A version of Moonlight Shadow by a German airhostess sounded like Dusty Springfield in comparison.
Better by far to run a shower and sing in it.
Karaoke around
the USA
Inhibitions are falling everywhere as University of Arizona students take activities that used to be reserved for the shower to their favorite bars and pubs.
Is "American Idol" at fault? Or is "Star Search" to blame? Could it be a new PlayStation 2 game? Something in the drinking water?
There's just something about karaoke.
"Yeah man, it's exploding. It's really happening," said UA history senior Carlton Rahmani about the karaoke phenomenon.
Rahmani performed a duet at Sharks in January, singing the Sex Pistols' rendition of Frank Sinatra's "My Way." His performance involved falling on his knees and shooting the audience with his finger-gun. Early last year, though, Rahmani wasn't fooling around.
Shortly after placing fifth in Arizona's 2002 gubernatorial race, Rahmani found himself shipped to Iraq with the U.S. Marine Corps Reserve.
When he was stateside again in June, Rahmani used his veteran money to buy karaoke equipment and start Tucson's CalabaCabeza Karaoke with his former campaign manager, co-owner and karaoke jockey Jerry Diaz.
Alan Flaxman, a sophomore majoring in Russian and engineering, said he comes to the Calabeza karaoke shows to have fun and to support his friend, Rahmani.
"It beats street crime," he said.
Tracy Schinagel, a fine arts sophomore, sang "You're Just Too Good to Be True" at Sharks recently, dancing with her friends during the oldie's lyric breaks. She also said, deep down, she secretly hopes a scout will walk in and discover her.
"I just love to sing and dance and have fun," Schinagel said.
Facing a large screen in a smoky Famous Sam's while people played billiards, pre-education senior Jackie Weber sang to a low-key crowd in January. She received drunken, spattering applause.
Weber explained the importance of applauding karaoke singers, good or bad.
"It takes guts to get up and sing in front of everyone, so everyone should applaud," she said.
As a host, Weber said it is important to have more than a charismatic personality. You also have to sing well. "I think if you're a horrible singer, you can't get the crowd going," she said.
Whether they were shy or not, Flaxman and Rahmani agree that karaoke takes guts, requires no real talent and shouldn't be taken seriously.
PUNK ROCK /
Heavy Metal
KARAOKE
by Tristan Trout
Arlene Grocery has the dubious distinction of being the Lower East Side's current hot spot. Even on a Monday night, there are usually fifteen or twenty smartly-dressed young professionals listening to yet another folk singer, sipping girly drinks, and gazing with some anxiety at the unruly horde that begins to drift in at about a quarter to ten. Tall or short, male or female, long-haired or buzz-cut, clad in khaki shorts and an oxford button-down or a vintage Manowar T-shirt and leather pants, barely old enough to get into the 21-and-over club or venerable enough to have seen Iggy and the Stooges live, the members of the mob all share one thing in common: Like faithful acolytes, all are drawn here for a ritual that has repeated itself every week for over two years.
It's magic. It's an addiction. It's anarchy in action. It's run by a Birmingham lad named Owen. It's Arlene Grocery's world-famous punk rock/heavy metal karaoke, and there's no experience like it on earth.
As the evening's last band starts breaking down round about ten, a short, skinny, loudly dressed man with an accent originating in an industrial town in northern England will take the stage. He will usually amuse the crowd by yelling at the sound guy to "turn the bloody mic on—no, the OTHER mic!" and reminiscing about how he used to go see "the CLASH man, the bloody CLASH, man" for three-quarters of a pence back in the day. This isn't avant-garde stand-up comedy; it's Owen, the club's owner. Owen is undoubtedly the most important person at PR/HMK, the hierophant-cum-emcee, if you will, for he is the one who runs the show, and it is in his care that the most holy of relics is placed: The Clipboard.
If the karaoke regulars are a cult and Owen is the high priest, then the clipboard is the sacred book. If you want to get up on stage and sing your little heart out, you must sign your name therein. The band has a regular playlist of songs they do, and the best ones ("California Über Alles" and "Where Eagles Dare," for instance) are taken quickly. When Owen drops the clipboard into the crowd, it's like a school of piranhas skeletonizing a cow. In seconds, nothing is left but the bloody scraps of second-rate Bon Jovi songs. Not that the process is unfair-Owen actively encourages first-timers, who sometimes have to be gently tied up with ropes and thrown on stage by their friends. Besides, if you miss "Run to the Hills" this week, there's always next week. The club provides lyrics sheets, if you need 'em, and then all that's left is to wait 'til Owen calls your name or song, get on stage, and cut loose.
Did we mention the band? That's right: Canned music is for other, wussier types of karaoke. PR/HMK makes use of the talents of Devin Emke on guitar, Rob Kemp on bass, and David Richman on drums. Devin plays those licks just as you imagined you did as you air-guitared along with Eddie Van Halen in your bedroom back in high school, and David, for his part, might very well be Bonzo Bonham's reincarnation. Rob, a talented bass player, is also good at cueing clueless would-be front men when to start singing. They're more than a cover band: PR/HMK wouldn't be possible without them, plus they're talented and tight enough to make anybody sound good (and it helps that the sound guy turns down the mic volume for horrendous performances). So, be sure to give generously when they pass around the tip bucket.
Of course, there are also regulars who have made almost a profession out of doing renditions of their favorite bands and songs. For example, there's an entire Brooklyn-based KISS army, led by the redoubtable Paulie Z. Occupying his post front-and-center of the stage every Monday night, Paulie is the unquestioned king of KISS covers and a damned fine performer to boot. (And if you can, check out KISS Nation. It's amazing how much Jews from the boroughs have given the music world. . . KISS, the Beastie Boys, Joey Ramone. . . Paulie. . . )
But, the vast majority of people who crowd into Arlene Grocery and take the stage aren't would-be stars. They're the plebes of the music world, the music-buying public, like you and I.
PR/HMK's appeal lies in this: For between three and five minutes, you are a rock star. All your dreams of being on stage, from the blinding lights to the screaming crowd singing along at the top of their lungs, are made reality. And, for Chrissakes, it doesn't matter how badly you sing, or how pretty your hair is—it's about the spirit of the thing, and the cheering, clapping, singing-along crowd is nothing if not supportive. Some of the most electrifying performances are by guys who look like aspiring middle managers. Put them on stage, and their inner animal emerges. Gabba gabba hey, you're one of us.
Some might claim that punk and metal are two completely separate social movements, and never should the twain meet. However, music historians two hundred years into the future, if they bother to take note of pop culture as opposed to, say,
Philip Glass, are not likely to draw such a distinction. In the long run, there's not much difference between the casual idiocy of Iron Maiden's "Number of the Beast" and the studied idiocy of Black Flag's "TV Party." Both are the primal scream of frustrated youth.
Some might claim that amateur covers of kitchy metal songs and yesterday's punk anthems are by nature hopelessly derivative, but then, if originality was the litmus test for what "art" is, Andy Warhol's cans of soup wouldn't be hanging on the wall at the Museum of Modern Art. PR/HMK has given every die-hard metalhead a chance to relive the music of their youth, from the transcendent silliness of Black Sabbath to the mass-marketed glam of Poison, and claim it for their own. Similarly, it's given old-school punks the chance to share angry anthems as they were meant to be heard: Crammed against a nightclub stage, being shouted by the angry youth of America.
Furthermore, by allowing everyday Joes (and Janes, and would-be Joeys) the chance to become rock stars, PR/HMK blows up the notion of what a rock star is. A rock star isn't the guy with the ten groupies riding in a limo down Hollywood Boulevard—he could be the guy in the next cubicle. As Warhol himself once said, in the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. Owen has made superstars out of all of us. PR/HMK has the vibe of a rock concert, but it's infinitely better: Because this is for the people, and by the people, the crowd isn't just a passive audience—the crowd is the show.
F**k the latest mass-marketed "alternative" crap the radio stations are trying to shove down our throats. If you need me, I'll be at Arlene Grocery.
Punk Rock/Heavy Metal Karaoke takes place every Monday night at ten. There's no cover, but the club is 21 and over. For more info, see the Arlene Grocery Web site.
Sonny Aronson of Creative Arson has also put together a 70-minute documentary entitled, appropriately enough, Punk Rock/Heavy Metal Karaoke. For ordering information, see the Creative Arson Web site, or pick up a copy for $10 at Arlene Grocery.
Would you like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony? E-mail Tristan at editor@corporatemofo.com
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